Spring 2023: GOP Iowa Caucus Winners and Losers

I have been interested in politics seemingly since birth. I write about it periodically like a groundhog seeing his shadow, I see it is that time again. Over the years, I have tried to keep my analysis and observation light and put a positive nonpartisan spin. I don’t always do that but I am going to try, and what a better way to show that lack of bias than with a post about Winners and Losers in the recent GOP Iowa Caucus race. So let's jump in. 

Vivek Ramaswamy: Winner 

 The Entrepreneur got a lot of headlines for saying the voting age should be 25. Though he did say if someone served in the military, they could start voting at 18. I am undecided if this is a good idea or even a good recruiting tactic, but in a race with a lot bigger names and being an unknown, he got headlines and got his name out there and for that he is a winner.

Doug Burgum: Winner 

The North Dakota governor wasn’t even the most likely person from the Dakotas to win the Nomination but he’s thrown his hat in the ring. This past week he was invited to speak at the Northside Conservative Breakfast Club in Ankeny and I love getting an invite for Breakfast- the best meal of the day. That’s a win. I love Breakfast. (The Des Moines Register said despite the name, “did not have breakfast.” Burgman presumably said “I traveled 700 miles for this…..”)

                                                                    What a Breakfast Might Look like

Asa Hutchinson: Winner 

I know it’s a long shot but let's look at some facts. Has a Governor from the State of Florida ever become President? Has anyone from Indiana who wasn’t related to William Henry Harrison become President? Has any President without facial hair ever been elected in nonconsecutive terms? No to all of these but I will tell you a Governor from Arkansas has. And that was recent!  Advantage: Asa

Mike Pence: Winner. 

 Nearly all of the candidates attended Sen Ernest’s Roast and Ride but it was Pence smiling on a Harley that made the headline page. That sounds like some winner sh**. Mike Pence is a winner.

Just an Average American doing Average American things

Chris Christie: Winner 

When he’s not running for President, Gov Christie is running the New York Mets. And you know who’s not a winner? The Mets. The Mets were owned by the Wilpons who were so cheap fans nicknamed them “the Coupons”. Now they’re owned by Steve Cohen who has more money than Jerry Jones, Robert Kraft and some dude named Charles Schwab. And the Mets? Still awful. But Christie hasn’t abandoned those Losers which shows commitment.  Which is a winning trait. 

Ryan Binkley: Winner 

I didn’t know CEO-slash-Pastor Binkley until I was watching the morning show. Sure enough, in between local traffic and weather, there was a Binkley ad. As they say, winners are on TV and Binkley is a winner. 

Ron DeSantis: Winner 

On May 13, Donald Trump scheduled a rally in Des Moines but it was canceled due to Tornado conditions. This didn’t stop Ron DeSantis (who was in Iowa) to throw his own impromptu rally at Jethro’s in Iowa’s Capital City. That is pretty badass. I don’t care your politics. Jethros is home of the Emmenecker a five pound sandwich containing pork, chicken, beef and cheese curds. That’s also badass.

Fried Food seems to be the Real Winner here

Perry Johnson: Winner 

Perry was unknown until CPAC where he finished third in Straw Poll voting.  He’s running a race that is running on new alternatives like appearing on Newsmax instead of Fox News, connecting with voters by live-streaming instead of using mainstream media and tv advertising.  Yet, he knows you still need a winning campaign slogan. “Two Cents to Save America” is that winning slogan. 

 Donald Trump: Winner 

Trump has had some bad news since I started writing this but before that, he was telling Iowans that he was planing the country’s big 2026 250th anniversary celebration in … wait for it.. Iowa. It will be yearlong and across the country and there will be sporting events and praying and statues and it will be great and it will be big and it will be great and it will be in Iowa. Trump knows a little about entertainment. He headlined Wrestlemania 23- the Battle of the Billionaires where he faced Vince McMahon and guess what? He was the winner! 

The next season of Sucession looks wild!

Nikki Haley : Winner 

DeSantis says not to vote for Trump and Trump says not to vote for DeSantis. And I doubt either would tell you to vote for Mike Pence. But no one says not to vote for Nikki Haley who was a favorite Presidential possibility of the late Pat Robertson. Fun fact: Haley has never lost an election, so you know…winner 

Tim Scott: Winner 

You have heard the jokes about “running for Vice President” but we have to assume Scott is interested in the top job. Scott is no doubt the most likable candidate of this cycle. Of course, I am old enough to remember when a “compassionate conservative” would win the nomination. Now that term sounds as dated as say, Whig or Free Soiler. Still, in my mind that makes Scott a winner and I love his ad which suggests we may have an African American President in our lifetime. 

Larry Elder: Winner 

You know what people hate? Politicians. Politicians run annoying tv ads. I am talking “Old McDonald had a Farm” singalong annoying TV ads with annoying lyrics like “here a tax, there a tax, Ron DeSales Tax had a farm”. 

While most of my facts are made up, alas this one is not

Another annoying thing about politicians are how they are on the news all of the time, and that usually means same life affirming story about “cat saved by Firemen from tree” gets cut for a feature on “20 people sit and eat cheese and crackers while someone they likely won’t vote for talks for a half hour on foreign policy”. It’s annoying. Politicians are losers. You know who has never annoyed me by showing up on TV doing a commercial or “news story”. Larry Elder. That’s who.